I am 20 years old(21 in July) male and single. In my life time i have had 2 girlfriends, the first of witch was a loli cat girl(no joke) who only dated me out of pity. I asked her out at the end of my 3rd year of high school on her birth day by attaching a note to a stuffed animal 3 days later school let out and we stayed in touch with MSN. during the brake my birthday rolled around and wanted to see her, so i called her to see what she was up to but she told me she didn't feel good, so i thought i would stop by and cheer her up. NOPE, she was shocked maybe even sad when she seen me standing there, like i was forcing her to do some thing she didn't want to do, and i couldn't do that to her so i said i just wanted to stop by and make sure you were doing all right, we said good by and i went home. We didn't brake up tell school started back up. After that i turned to porn and developed a miner addiction but i didn't give up, after 6 or 7 months or so i started to "crush" on some one new, and i felt like it was LOVE, she was all i could think about 24\7. i never did ask her out, well not during high school. She was kinda a "military brat" and went on to join the NAVY, I know because i tried to join with her but was not applicable for the NAVY, but i didn't give up it just put a dead line on the time i had to ask her out(July 25, 4 days after my birthday).
I had graduated a year before her and got a job at Wal~Mart in the automotive department where I met my second girlfriend. I was on my lunch brake, she was a new hire for over night janitor just starting orientation, she had walked to work that morning and got off at the same time as me, so i offer her a ride home, we started talking and i fond out that she had just moved down here and didn't know any one so i gave her my number and we started to hang out. After about a week i she had been hitting on me(witch was weird) but i told her that i had feelings for some one ells but i wold confess my love for her that same day and see what she said, but after a while i changed my mind and asked out the girl from Wal~Mart.
We had been going out for a week before we started to fool around and ill admit i have a high sexual appetite but i live under the STRONG principle of no sex before marriage and she seamed to respect my wishes, but still things were stating to move to fast and after asking her to stop and having her blow up in my face i had to end it, the worst part was it was while i was at work.
At this time i had transferred to the garden center and was out side watering plant when she showed up asking a lot of questions, and i didn't want to lie to her but didn't want to be with her partly because she didn't stop when i asked her to but also because i still had feelings for the military brat.
A couple weeks passed since the Wal~Mart incident, and i was finally going to ask the military brat out. I had "composed" my feelings in to a face book message (i know lame) but after about a week of silence the suspense was killing me when suddenly i got a reply it said "i wish you would have asked me sooner i would have given you a shot, but i don't do long distance relationships", basically it was a round about way of saying no(witch girls, it hurts a lot more than just no).
After that i pretty much gave up on finding love, and became overly obsessed with porn, why because there is no one to make me feel ashamed of my self. witch is why I'm doing this, maybe some one will read this and under stand me and to help me. I'm alone and really need some one in my life.